I grew up Daddy’s little girl. He was my world! When he died I asked “why me?” Why did he leave me? Why can’t I go with him? Eventually I turned all my attention toward my husband Keith. I made him my world. This was good for a while – until he came to know the Lord.
I was raised Jewish. While I was not a practicing Jew, I did believe in God but did not believe in Jesus. I was taught that Jesus was a good man, but just a man. As Keith became closer to the Lord he wanted the same for me. Of course I didn’t want anything to do with Jesus…in fact just the mention of His name stirred uncontrolled anger in me (Isa 8:15, Matt 21:44). But, I was a supportive wife and tried to be so in this situation. He was so excited; I was so angry.
I would call my best friend, who happened to be Christian, and talk about the “Bible-thumping” and all the fights going on in my house. She would help me understand why Keith was so excited and explained that he would calm down once the newness wore off. Only, it didn’t seem like that would ever happen.
One day I was sitting on the edge of the bed (wishing I could be anywhere else) as Keith once again told me how much I needed Jesus. I was so angry I was cursing Jesus. I told him if he didn’t stop talking to me about Jesus, I wanted a divorce. I thought “why me?” Why was this happening to me? I didn’t understand! Keith said divorce was not an option. He said he would back off about Jesus but “I will be praying for you.”
As time went by I began to notice a change in Keith. He had a peaceful assurance about him. At the same time he was often if not daily asking “Deb, can I read you something?” At the time I thought I was being supportive and didn’t realize he was teaching me. At some point I got it into my head that I was going to disprove Jesus and get my husband back. So I started researching. I picked up a couple of books about Jesus and was still listening to Keith reading scripture. The funny thing was that I believed what I was reading and hearing.
One day while taking a walk, I asked God to put Jesus in my heart. I told Him I didn’t believe or understand but wanted to. I asked God to do it for me because I knew He could. It would take almost another year before I truly understood who Jesus is and what He did for me. From the day that I was reborn until now I have asked “why me?”
Before Jesus I was always angry.
I was always right and you had to know how right I was.
I would belittle others and enjoy it.
I relied on everyone else for my happiness.
I didn’t know what joy was.
Jesus took most of that away from me and is working on the rest (John 3:3). I have joy. I have a love with my husband I never thought possible. I have love for others. Above all else, I have a Savior that walks with me daily.
“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him,
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”